Two Weeks: Past and Future

Before the weekend gets too crazy and I let it pass for any longer, I thought it would be a good idea to blog about what I've been up to for the last two weeks, as well as my plans for the next two weeks!

In my last post I gave you an idea of the sort of things I have been up to while only last few weeks of my stay in Ukraine. In addition to that, I have been making use of my grant to re-stock the internat with a number of very-needed items for which there is just no funding. Like I mentioned before, I have provided the girls with school supplies, ABC books, and other educational materials, as well as with development-promoting toys for the little ones. I am still fighting to get the staff to let the girls use all of this stuff on a regular basis, rather than leave it on the shelves, as it is their custom (*frustration boiling up*)

Aside from this, a few things have happened that are out of the ordinary. For one, I am really sad to say that Marena, the girl who was found 5 months pregnant and was sent away, is back... she is not pregnant anymore :( It makes my heart squirm in pain to just think about it... That poor little child, at 5 months of development, being ripped from his mother's womb, with no one to plead for him or her (I don't know whether it was a boy or a girl) nor for the mother. There was nothing she could do. The decision was made for her. I won't say much more because I have already made my position clear before. All I can say is that my heart aches for each and every one of these girls who has gone through such a horrible experience, without ever even getting a choice :'(

On a lighter note, the other day I got all the girls to write their names on these coloured sheets of paper for me to put on the thank-you posters for the churches. It was so much fun! Many of them couldn't really write their name, so they used the help of their peers to do so. For example, Luba would write the name of a little girl on her arm, and we would have the little girl copy her own name onto the paper, one letter at a time. It took a long time, but it was awesome! I wanted the girls to write their own names, rather than have me write them :) I will keep one of the pages for myself :)

Another unusual thing that happened was actually quite unexpected! I guess perhaps I have made all of the staff at the internat seem like evil ogres that mistreat and neglect all of these beautiful little girls, and to some extent, that is true. But there are also a few kind-hearted souls among the staff, including a lady by the name of Luba. The other day I got to properly meet her for the first time (I had seen her around and said hello before, but that was about it). This was on a Saturday, and it was the first time I got to see the little chapel at the internat. I think I might have mentioned this before (gees, I cannot even remember what I have written and what I haven't!). In any case, the chapel was nothing more than just another classroom, but it as beautifully decorated with all sorts of icons and other images. My favourite part, of course, was the picture of Jesus, the Divine Mercy, which was hung on the left hand side. There was also a small altar, traditionally decorated with icons, crosses, etc. Luba showed me around, and we had a brief, broken conversation about my family, my faith, and my work at the internat (it is amazing how much you can say, even with such poor Ukrainian language skills on my part!) A few of the girls had already gather around us, all of them showing me the brand new crucifixes they had just been given. They were sporting their crosses with great pride, which made me feel such joy. I was really glad to see that Luba was promoting faith in Jesus in these little ones. It is not only a part of their culture, but it is so very important for them to keep hope (not to mention Salvation! But we won't go there :)). If you watch the videos I posted, the one about the Room of the Malenkas was taken on this day, and you can see the crosses they got.

Well, as it turns out, Luba organized a trip to take the girls to Zervanetsya, a Ukrainian Catholic Shrine that is very important in this area. The girls were gone for a FULL WEEK! While I was thrilled that the girls got to go to the shrine, I was kind of sad about it when I first heard of it because I had very little time left here, and all the girls who were going were the ones that I have the most interaction with. Only the little girls and the ones with severe mental disabilities stayed, as well as a number of the older ones who stayed to work. However, it actually turned out great. This forced me to spend more time with some of the girls that I had not spent as much time with...

For one, I got to spend a lot more time with the Malenkas (the little girls), which was beautiful. We had a lot of fun the last few days. The other day I came to the internat in the afternoon, while the girls were supposed to be laying down. Some of them take naps, but most of the time the girls just roll around in their beds, giggling and just resting, even if not asleep. When I got into the room, I hugged each and every one of them. They look so cute all cuddled up in their blankets :P There was a staff member there, of course. She was very nice and tried to make conversation with me. As we were talking, I sat at the head of Viera's bed, with Viera laying her head on my lap. I just hugged her and pet her baby-soft blong hair. She clings to me a lot. I love her so much. And then, something happened... the woman I was talking to started to tell me which of the girls there had mothers and which ones didn't... RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE GIRLS!!! She would point at a girl and say, "She as a mother, but is in Italy (Olia)", then point at another one and say "She doesn't have a mother", etc. I could not believe she was saying that in front of the girls. I felt a sting. I know the woman wasn't trying to be mean, but still! To her it was as normal and comfortable as talking about the weather. Sure, maybe they are used to the knowledge that their mothers are dead or don't want them, but do they need to hear it over and over?? These girls are 3-6 years old! :( (Olia is 9 but I have explained before that she is like a 3 year old)...

And then, the woman pointed at Viera, who was still laying on my lap, and she said "Viera doesn't have a mother. Do you, Viera?" !!!!!! Viera, with her little voice sad but calm, replied, "No. I don't have a mother." My heart stopped... Tears started to form in my eyes. But just before I could say or do anything, the woman said, "But Viera, you have love in your heart, don't you? You love other people, like Nastia, and your other sisters." Viera answered, "Yes, I have love. I love Nastia." And she smiled. And just that very second, she turned around, looked up at me, and said... "I love you, Miri".............. At this point I just couldn't help it any longer and tears literally ran down my face. I pulled Viera up, I hugged tightly, and I told her "I love you too, Viera." And just held her like that for a few seconds...

There is not much more I can say about that. When the moment passed, everything went back to normal, as if nothing had been said. The woman did not even make any comment. She just smiled briefly, and soon after got all the girls ready to go downstairs and play. Olia had been sound asleep and when they woke her up, it turned out that she was swimming in pee :( I don't know how we didn't even notice! It must have just happened so it didn't smell. Or maybe, I just got used to the bad smell of that room, since it always smells like urine, just a few moments after I got in, and therefore did not notice it. How can that even happen! It made me feel so bad. Immediately, all the other little girls started to remove the sheets of Olia's bed, and THEY cleaned the mattress!! The staff member just wiped it again quickly with a sheet before going down. No soap, no disinfectant. Nothing. It all happened so fast that in less than 5 minutes we were all outside of the room. In those 5 short minutes, the girls had cleaned the bed, put on their dresses and shoes and were ready to go. I was still too much in shock to be of much help, but I did help the girls to button up their dresses. After that, I went home... I needed to think...

** My dear little ones, how much I'm going to miss you!! :( **

And so the days have gone by. I also made time to spend with the girls who have more severe mental disabilities. It is hard to do that, because I have no training and I am unsure of what to do with them. A few of them get very, very, very clingy and excited when I am with them, and literally they can be glued to me like velcro, to the point of suffocation! I am NOT joking! I have to untangle myself from their rigid limbs and try to hug them in a more gentle way. Others are completely withdrawn and hardly even let you touch them, especially one of them, who tends to get rather aggressive. Others, like Inessa, are a lot more gentle and easier to relate to, even if they are completely non-verbal. Because of their disabilities, with these girls sometimes the only thing you can do is just sit. Sit with them on the benches outside. Saying nothing. Doing nothing. Just being. Being with one another. And you know what? They cannot say anything. But I can tell they appreciate it. They smile. They follow you around if you leave to talk to someone else. They crave your presence, even if it seems you are not interacting with them at all. To them, you are. What an easier way there is to make someone happy than just to sit quietly beside them. I have truly learned the value of that. One day I sat beside one of these girls. She tends to mumble the same sentence all the time. I am not sure exactly what she says, but Jessica seemed to think that she was saying "Momma, I want, I want". She always sits alone on the benches outside. She has a very dark tan line from just sitting in the sun every day, all by herself. So I sat beside her, and I held her hand. She looked at me with excitement and smiled enormously. Her teeth were atrocious; yet, I have seen few more beautiful and genuine smiles in my life. I held her hand, and I prayed to God for her and for all of the girls. It was such a peaceful moment. I will always treasure it.

The other group of girls that I got to spend some more time with were the older ones. As I have mentioned before, Hanna, who used to be a big pain in the neck to Jessica, and who used to ignore me completely, is now very nice and attentive to me. Ever since the day of the bags, she has been a lot more sociable. The other day, I had to walk home because it was Sunday and the buses do not run. To my surprise, Hanna offered to walk with me!! Luba and Katia joined us, and they walked me all the way to the highway! We walked slowly, so it took at least 20 minutes. The entire way, Hanna talked to me and asked me questions. I could only understand a very minimal portion of what she was saying, but I tried my best to communicate with her. I told them about my faith and about how I love God, and asked them if they believed in God. It was a very interesting and powerful conversation, despite of how broken it was! It truly amazed me! I was dumb-struck at how much patience Hanna was having with my poor language skills. I would have expected her to grow exasperated with me, but she didn't! It was such a great experience.

The other day, I also spent time with Hanna and Tamara building a puzzle I brought for them. Puzzles are one of my favourite hobbies, so I thought I'd give it a try. Valia sat beside us and watched us build the puzzle. She has Down Syndrome and she was not able to really participate (she found it incredibly difficult), but she enjoyed being with us and just watching. Hanna, Tamara and I had a great time. I also brought a couple of other games for the older girls, including Twister!! I am SO excited to play it with them. Maybe we will tonight, or perhaps tomorrow.

__

Aside from that, I have been trying to get a hold of the priest at the third church to talk about the charities. It has been quite an ordeal because of Orest being gone on vacation and such. However, even though we are cutting it close for time, we are going to go talk to him tomorrow. My main goal here is to create connections between the churches and the internat, hopefully setting up more funds to go to Caritas so that they can be channeled to the Internat through Irena. So far that worked with the first church I appealed to. I made a poster to thank them for their collection's contribution, as well as for their set up of a regular charity with Caritas.

The second church I approached was my church, which is the only Roman Catholic church in Ternopil. The priest was incredibly nice and very opened. Unfortunately their parish community cannot really provide much financial support right now because they are in debt from building their new church, but the priest promised to create a connection with Irena at the internat, as well as to write me a letter to appeal to the Canadian Ukrainian Catholic community in Waterloo. This was Myrowlaw's idea, and I think it is fantastic! I hope that the third church goes as well as the first one did, but if not, at least as good as the second one :)

___

So what now? Well, today is a special holiday here in Ternopil. It is a special Marian day, so there is a big celebration. Baba's name is Maria, so they are having a small family get together here this afternoon. That is why I am not at the internat right now. I will go there in the evening today, after the family lunch is over, otherwise I would not be able to be back on time if I went this morning.

Tomorrow, as I said, I will go in the morning with Orest to talk to the priest, and after that we are meeting "The Davids" and the rest of my African friends for lunch. Sunday and Monday are going to consist of tying things up and saying my final goodbyes to all the people I have met here, as well as packing and sorting through my things. As it turns out, I am going to have to leave more than half of my luggage with the girls! This is because I brought 46 kilograms of luggage to Ukraine, according to standard luggage allowances to and from Canada to Europe, but what I didn't know is that the luggage weight allowance for flights within Europe is of only 20 kilograms!! And the fees for extra weight are RIDICULOUS! My flight back to Canada leaves from Stockholm, Swden, since I decided to visit my aunt there, and it will be far less expensive for me to leave most of my stuff beghind and just buy new clothes to replace them in Canada than it is for me to ship them or bring them with me! :S I wasn't planning on making this expense, but oh well. Such is life. At the very least I am glad that I can leave my stuff with the girls. I am sure they can make use of it :) What I am mostly likely going to do is to go to Good Will and Value Village (second hand/thrift stores) and just re-do my wardrobe, since I brought most of the clothes I wear on a regular basis with me, and I will have to leave them behind. It's ok though. I buy most of my clothes at thrift stores, anyway, so it is not a big deal :)

I guess I am more concerned about being able to bring gifts for my family, friends, and teachers... I hope I can keep everything under the limited weight limit :P Fortunately, Orest is coming with me to Lviv to see me off at the airport. That will make things infinitely easier! Wow... I can't believe I am leaving. Time has just FLOWN by! By this time next week, I will be in Sweden, visiting my aunt, and soon after I will be in Canada! Back to school and back to work! Wow!

So much has happened this summer! I can't believe how many changes have taken place... in my personal growth at the internat, in my faith, in my academic pursuits (I think I am going to pursue a Master's of Social Work instead of a Master's of Divinity now!), in my personal life :), in my view of the world... I feel like I am a different person. I have so many flaws, and I know I have screwed things up a lot in the past, but I don't want to be like that anymore. I don't want to be so selfish. I don't want to be so self-centered, or judgmental, or critical. You know, it is easy to become cynical when you see other people's suffering. It is easy to doubt and to lose faith in humanity. But then, in the midst of all the muck, I have discovered so much love, so much joy, so much hope! These girls have changed me. I could be cynical and say, "What the hey! There is nothing I can do so I might just as well accept that's just the way the world is and live my life..." But instead, I want to say, "There is so much reason for hope. All I can do is do the little I can, entrust it to God, and let him do the rest." That is how I want to live. I know I still have many flaws, and it would be a lie if I said that I will never fall in the same defects of my past again, but at least I can say I want to try. I just hope that my family and friends can see a difference in me, one that is for the better :) I hope I can truly be changed, deep inside.

Thanks again for reading all my ramblings. I'll be home soon :) Please pray for me. Please also pray for a special intention of mine (for a friend who is going through a very hard time right now). I will pray for you too. Love you all, Miss you all. God bless.

VIDEOS!!

Here I will post the links for the videos I have made as I upload them. Please keep checking back, as it takes a really long time to upload them and it might take me a couple of days :)

Also, I have added more photo albums on the MY UKRAINE FACEBOOK ALBUMS tab on the right hand side of my blog, just under the "About Me" section. You don't need to be subscribed to Facebook to see them :) Enjoy!

The Room of the Malenkas (or the "Malenkies", as I call them)


Girls singing "There is Joy Like a River in My Soul", with Gayla


Rocking to "Ne Ma, Ne Ma" and Warm Welcome :)


Our choreographed dance to "Saturday Night"


Last Year's Dance :)


Little Ladies Singing at the Recital
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=651824891757

Luba Singing at the Recital


Funny Ladies Dancing to No Music :P



These are also available on the side panel, just above the panel with my photo albums for future reference :) I hope you enjoyed them! LOL!! Love you all, Miss you all, God bless!

Home Alone

Well, technically I am neither home, nor am I totally lone, but you get the point.

The last two weeks have been very busy! So busy I don't even know where to begin. Well, perhaps I can start by mentioning how, after Jen and Jessica left, I just ended up studying like crazy for my exams, which were supposed to be on the next day. My exams went pretty well, actually, and I am just hoping that they make it safely to Canada. We had them scanned, just in case, but Gayla, who is my proctor, was not able to send the electronic copies because the files ended up being too large to send over email, even though they were on PDF format... So here I am, crossing my fingers that they make it safely to Canada...

That week I went to the internat by myself for the first time, and it went pretty well, surprisingly. We have spent a lot of time outside playing, as well as dancing, colouring, and just plain being silly! The other day the girls let me ride a bike with them! I had not done that in YEARS!! It was so exciting! Hehehe :P On another day we decided to practice our little choreography that we prepared for the concert, and one of the girls taped it for me (I shall upload it soon, maybe even within this message). Later I taught the girls to salsa! Hahahaha! It was a lot of fun. We also videotaped that, but I am too embarrassed to show you lol.

I have also spent a lot of time with the Malenkas (the little girls). I was so delighted to see little Olia laugh, which is something that I had not seen before! I took a video about the room of the malenkas, and I will also post that soon!

On another day, I sat with some of the girls to do a small drawing workshop. They tend to like it when I draw them pictures of animals, so I decided to teach them how to do it. I would draw each part, one by one, like a circle, and then a a line, and so forth, and have them repeat it after me, until we all ended up with a picture of an animal. Here, once again, I could become more acutely aware of their disabilities, which often I end up forgetting all about! It is hard to believe, but to me, these little orphans have become like normal girls, and I am so used to being around them and feel so comfortable with them, that I don't even notice their disabilities or deformities anymore. For example, a lot of them are cross-eyed, and that used to really throw me off, but now I don't even notice it. Anyhow, the drawing workshop went really well and it was a lot of fun!

And so, that is how I have spent the last few days. In addition to that, however, I have been finalizing some of the charity set ups at the churches. I was frustrated because I had not been able to talk to the other two parish priests I had in mind, mainly because of how busy I had been with school, and then because Orest went away on vacation and I didn't have a translator anymore :S Krystinca was going to do me the favour of coming with me, but then she got really sick, and so I had to wait around another full week. I do not remember if I mentioned this before, but the first church made a collection already, and we got a total of 500 hryvnia, plus another person just donated another 100 to add to that. It is not a HUGE amount of money, but it is a pretty good start!! I am just waiting for Irena to get some free time so we can go to get the necessary medications and vitamins for which the money was raised.

Another thing I did this past week was that I went with Irena to the bazaar and I just bought a TON of school supplies for the girls. They used to get funding for that sort of stuff, but now they do not, and so the girls had nothing to start the school year with. Generally, Irena asks her students (I presume she teaches at an elementary school) to bring school supplies for the girls, but even with that there was simply not enough to fulfill the needs of the girls. And so, I bought new copy books, calligraphy books, ABC books, pens, play-dough, and other items of that sort, according to what Irena told me was needed. She came with me, of course, and Orest did as well, which made it infinitely easier. In addition to the things she asked for, I bought a bunch of other books that contain very interesting information about all kinds of topics, from animals, to the human body, to cultures around the world, to volcanoes and other geographical phenomena, to the stars, etc. I used to have books like that when I was a kid, and they were some of my most precious possessions. I used to spend HOURS reading them. Irena told me that most girls cannot read at that level (by far!), but that she would ensure to read them to the girls and to show them the pictures, as well as to have the older girls read to the younger ones.

In addition to all the school supplies, I also bought a great number of toys for the younger girls, all of which were the kind of toys that help develop the motor, visual and logic skills of children. Among the things I bought were puzzles, mosaics, building blocks and cubes as well as and giant legos, as well as other toys that I am not sure how to describe but are meant to develop hand-eye coordination. You know what I mean, these are toys like the kind that Playschool makes, which are very colourful and serve as stepping stones for further development. The girls have very few toys, and the ones they do have are mostly stuffed animals that are stashed away in high, hard-to-reach shelves, and which obviously do not help them at all. The room of the Malenkas is completely empty, and so I hope that these new toys help. So long as the staff even let them play with them!! (*fuming again*) Sigh...

I guess the last thing I can add is that this week I was finally able to talk to the priest at my church about the charity. Unfortunately his parish is in a lot of debt because they have just built their church, and so he does not think that they will be able to allocate much money at all to the internat. However, he was very kind to say that he will do what he can, and he asked me to get him in contact with Irena so that in the future, when thy are more financially able to, the parish can do more to support the girls. What he did do was to take a copy of the letter that the dean of my school, Myroslaw Tataryn, sent me to hand in to the priests as a template, in order to have them modify it, sign it, and send it with me to Canada to appeal to the Ukrainian Catholic community there to help us out. These girls need so much help, and I am glad to be able to do something for them like this.

I am running out of time and with Orest being so busy it is hard to set up appointments with the priests, but I am still hoping to talk to one more priest and try my luck there before I leave. There is more I want to say, but I think I will leave it at that for this post and start a new one in a few minutes. I also have to post all of those pictures and videos, so it will be a while! Until then, love you all, miss you all. God bless!

Paca, Jen and Jess! I will miss you! :(

Oh! I forgot to mention before that the weekend prior to the concert, Jen, Jessica and I went out for pizza with "the Davids" at this awesome place called Kastan. It was delicious and we had a great time! The Davids are hilarious, and I was really glad to know that they would be around so that once Jen and Jessica left, I would not so lonely :)





So anyway, continuing my story from what happened that Tuesday after the concert... Jen brought some pretty crafts with feathers and all kinds of stickers for the girls to play with. It was fun. Then, Wednesday came, and it was time to say goodbye... :(

The day actually went pretty much as normal, and Jen and Jessica handed out glowing-bracelets, which were a total hit! After spending a lot of time with the Malenkas (the little girls), all the girls got called to eat their lunch. At that point, with all of the girls gather together, Jen and Jessica took the opportunity to say their goodbyes.




Lots of tears were shed by all of us, and Jessica was hoping it would end there... but it certainly didn't. A great number of the older girls came and walked with us all the way to the gate, only prolonging the goodbyes. That made it hard for Jessica. However, something great happened! Hanna, one of the older girls who had been given heck to Jessica all summer long, and on whom Jessica had work a lot to gain her trust and friendship, unexpectedly came along and even gave Jessica a hug goodbye! (after some prying by Orest, hehehe) It was such a beautiful moment, and I was so mad I did not get my camera out on time to take a picture! What is more is that Hanna, along with a bunch of the other girls, walked us all all the way to the bus stop, where we waited for a few more minutes until the bus came. It was all very emotional, but I tried to be as cheery as I could and not think about the fact that the girls were leaving. I did not like the thought that I would be alone for almost another whole month once they left... I would miss them so much! :S










So, after all that emotional charge, the necessary thing to do was to get ice cream. And so that is what we did! We went to a place called Gelato Maffia, and LET ME TELL YOU!! It was SMACHNO!! (DELICIOUS!!) I got myself a giant croissant filled with three scoops of gelato: chocolate, vanilla and strawberry: Napolitano Extraordinaire!



We talked for a while, and after that we headed to my place, where we talked for a long time, listed to some of Orest's weird music (lol) and just passed the time together one last time before their departure. I must say that I was in a really weird mood. I was really mellow. Perhaps it was my lack of sleep after taking so long to prepare those bags as well as studying for my exams. Perhaps it was just emotional exhaustion and the feeling of uncertainty that ensued from knowing that Jen and Jessica were leaving... Most likely it was both. It was nice to hang out together like that!

We had done something similar, but without Orest, a couple of times before. Once at my place, and once at Jessica's place, and both times were awesome! I had so much fun with them on the few occasions we hung out after the internat (mostly due to the fact that I always had to run to do homework), and I knew I was going to miss them.

So Thursday came, and Jen and Jessica did not come to the internat, in order to pack their bags and prepare for their next day's early departure. I did go to the internat myself, but thankfully I did not go by myself, as Krystina wanted to come with me. That was nice. I didn't feel the shock of going by myself right away. That day I taught some of he girls how to make frogs, planes and boats out of paper, you know, like origami. Doing that activity let me see the degree of mental disability of some of these girls at a level I had not yet seen before, mainly because many of these girls look perfectly normal, and without the language to show me their level of verbal skills, it is hard to tell sometimes whether some of these girls have disabilities at all. Doing origami was clearly very challenging for many of the girls. Their motor and coordination skills are not very well developed, and a few of them had trouble even just folding the paper in half! However, with patience and care, Krystina and I helped each of the girls do all of the folds of a semi complicated piece of origami, until ALL of them ended up with a nice little jumping frog! :D I was so surprised at their patience with themselves, despite the obvious difficulty of the task. I gently pushed them to get it done, not doing any of the folds for them, and just letting them help each other out, WITHOUT having the more able girls do all the work for the less-abled ones. It was quite a goal to accomplish, but in the end, it was awesome because they all got a lot of joy and delight from seeing they had been able to do it by themselves! :) It gave me great satisfaction!

The next day, I accompanied Jen and Jessica to the train station, and after a few hugs and a couple of tears between us and their respective families, we saw them off to Lviv. And that was it. I was alone.

I walked back with Orest and we stopped at a store to buy some CDs for him and a new set of headphones for me, as mine gave out their last breath two weeks before.

And so it began... four more weeks in Ukraine without Jen and Jessica.

Jen and Jessica, if you are reading this, please know that I miss you both so much and that I hope you are having a great time back at home. I will be home soon, and we will have to get together to catch up and share stories again :) Thanks for all your support and your friendship :)

That's it for that. I will continue to tell you what happened in the almost two weeks that have gone by since Jen and Jessica left, and I will soon post a few videos and tons of pictures. Until then, Love you all, miss you all. God bless!

Concert and Gift Bags! A wonderful day!

Ok, FINALLY, here’s the story of what happened with the little ‘concert/recital’ that Jen, Jessica and I organized, as well as with the bags I was putting together for the girls :)



As you know, three Mondays ago we had our concert/recital/party at the internat. Jen and Jessica came up with the idea since the girls seemed to really like what Sarah and the girls put together last year. We had been kind of stressed about it for a while, but in the end, with the 'emergency', it ended up being a lot more relaxed, and in the end, so much more beautiful!! We had only a few guests, namely Orest, Kristina, one of the girl's mom, and David and David, two friends of ours from Jen's Calvary Chapel Church, which is composed mostly of African people. I had met 'the Davids' and the whole crew a while ago at the church picnic, which, even though took place in the middle of a downpour, was still lots of fun, especially watching all our new friends play volleyball in the pouring rain! :P So anyway (sorry, I went off on a tangent), the concert began with Bogdan playing the accordion while Luba sang. Amazingly, all the girls in the little auditorium (almost every single one of them was there) joined in song! It sounded soooooo beautiful! I was THRILLED!! It literally send shivers down my spine and the hairs on my arms stood up immediately as I head the voices of all of those girls sing their traditional songs in unison. I loved seeing that they were having so much fun!! After that, four of the younger girls, Rosa, Zureana, Nastia and Olanka, sang a song, also accompanied by Bogdan's accordion. Following, Ira sang us a couple of songs, and again, all the girls joined in and sung with her... Awesome! Jen and I took a few videos, although we have not uploaded them yet... They will come soon though!!




After all the songs were sung, the time came for a group of girls (the ones between 14 and 17) to present the dance that Sarah and Valeria had taught the girls. They danced it to the music of “Coco Jambo” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSVAUGeGnE4). It was so much fun! After that, we presented the dance that we put together this summer. We had been working on the choreography for quite some time. I got it started and the rest of the girls carried on with it and made it awesome! :P We danced it to the song “Saturday Night”, in honour of Jen who loves it lol! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SI6KTW0Z-4Y) I do not yet have the videos since Jen still has them, but later on I recorded us doing it again, just for fun, and I will upload them soon! I danced with the girls just for moral support, hahaha! Our dance concluded with all of us pulling all of the girls who were sitting down to the middle to dance with us. In the middle of the dancing chaos, we started to deliver all the munchies, cookies, and the like, that we had gotten for the girls. It was great!



Once everybody settled down a bit, I brought Orest to the stage with me and I got all the girls to sit down. I made a small presentation (with Orest translating), in which I told the girls that I had a little gift for them. I thanked Jen and Jessica in front of them for having helped me put the bags together. If it had not been for them, I would have never been able to get them ready in time! So thanks again, girls! (Quick side note: For the last two weeks I had been going to the bazaar on several occasions to buy all sorts of items and preparing these bags, filling them with all kinds of hygiene supplies, necessary items such as socks and underwear –I had seen the state of such items before and was horrified– and other fun items like make up, a necklace, stickers, bubbles, etc. The whole point was to treat the girls and let them have something that they could call their own.) The delivery of the bags was very orderly at first, but by the end it got a bit chaotic, hahaha! However, all the girls got their own bag and it was sweet! They all scurried away to open their presents and so the party ended up rather abruptly but happily! Hahaha!





After the concert, I was so exhausted and I decided to go back home with Orest and Krystina. Besides, I wanted the girls to enjoy their presents as well as to give some space to Jen and Jessica, since they were staying behind and they had only two more days left at the internat. I felt such satisfaction to have been able to make the girls happy with a little gift, even if it was something very small! They have touched my heart so much, and I just wanted to leave them something that would remind them of me after I left.

After the concert, I focused mainly on preparing for my exams, which were the following Saturday.

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Tuesday was an interesting day. It was one of those days when reality hits you with a bat on the face when you least saw it coming. As I mentioned before, I had felt very happy to have been able to make a gift to the girls that they could call their own. Each bag had a tag with the name of each girl, and many of the items in the bag were things for personal individual care, such as a deodorant (a desperately needed item at this internat), hand cream, make up, underwear and socks. However, when I came to the internat the next morning, I did not see a single of the seventy bags that had filled the halls with colour the day before. Strange.

I figured they were probably put away in a safe place and didn’t think about it much. However, as I started to mingle with the girls, I came across one of them who really could have used a good dose of that deodorant I gave her (remember, these girls only get to bathe once a week!). So, I asked her where her deodorant was, and she was very shy about it. After much pulling and tugging, I finally got her to come with me to get her deodorant… she said she needed a key. I figured she meant the key to her classroom where her stuff was probably put away, so we went to get the caregiver who had a set of keys. I motioned her and in broken Ukrainian let her know that I was looking for the girl’s deodorant. The caregiver, who was sitting beside a few others, looked kind of reluctant and looked at the other women in the room, but finally, after much insistence from my part, got up and took me to the classroom. Once there, she pulled up a chair, climbed on it, and open a very hard to reach locked cabinet… Once she opened it, I saw a few of the bags, empty and stashed away in a pile, and a set of containers…

What they had done is they took all of the items from all of the bags, and put them in collective containers. I was not impressed. The point was that each girl would have her own personal items, but that did not fly. They had put everything in a collective pile, where everything belongs to everyone. I guess that is fine, if it makes things easier for them. But here’s the thing… All I could think in my head was “traces of communism”. There is hardly any sense of individual property in this place, and when I realized this, I felt so silly and so ignorant. I inadvertently had come in trying to impose my own Western mode of thinking onto a place that simply has not yet fully come out of a Soviet Communist worldview. When that realization hit me, I was suddenly very upset. I had spent SOOOOO much time putting these bags together for the girls, choosing many of the items specifically for particular girls, and they got to enjoy them only for a few brief moments before the bags were dismantled and all the items taken way from the girls. At that moment I wished so badly I had stayed the day before. :(

Sure, the girls still have ‘access’ to the items, but for them to get anything, even a bar of soap (which is another non-existent item in the girls’ bathrooms), they have to go get the teacher, to open a locked room, to climb on a chair, to open a locked cabinet, and hand them the item they want. For them, it is just not worth the hassle, as it was evident by this girl’s heavy reluctance to get her deodorant. The staff just don’t care! Sigh! :S The care giver tried to explain that many of the girls could not make proper use of the stuff because of their disabilities or their age, but that is something I already knew. I tried to explain that the point was for the older, more responsible girls, to help their younger sisters learn how to use the items, but there was no use…

And so, with a lot of frustration and with unsettling resignation, I took a deep breath and said to myself “It’s just the way it is, and there is nothing you can do, so just settle for knowing that at least they have the items semi-available.” Later I talked with Irena and asked her to make sure the girls had access to their stuff. She said they would. How much of that is actually going to happen, I cannot know.

In the end, the caregiver gave this particular girl one deodorant. I showed her how to use it, at which point the caregiver seemed a little embarrassed and tried to laugh it off. We assigned the deodorant to a spot that was more accessible for the girls. Because of course, that single deodorant is going to be the community deodorant for the whole class… when there are other 69 deodorant bars sitting around in a locked-up box… Great. Perfectly sanitary! :S (*head slightly fuming*) Oh well, like I said before, there is nothing I can do.

On a happier note, on Tuesday I did see a few of the girls wearing the hair clips, necklaces and nail polish I had given them, so that made me happy :) Some of them now wear their hair clips every day :P

So that was the bags… Next I will tell you about the rest of the week, which included the last day for Jen and Jessica at the internat, a final get-together with Orest, Jen and Jessica at my place, seeing the girls off to their train on their way to Lviv, and finally, the craziness of writing my two exams on Saturday after all of that! Until then, miss you all, love you all. God bless!

IM STILL ALIVE!

Hey guys! I am so sorry I have been MIA for, what...? 3 weeks now?? OH MY! I have been busy beyond description and haven't given myself the time to blog! I will do a proper entry by the end of the week. I just wanted to reassure you all that I am alive and well and that everything is going GREAT over here! So much to tell you all! I really need to get going now, but stay posted because I will have a lot posted by Friday, I promise! I am just trying to get some essays done for my one course before my prof shoots me lol! (JK. Dr. Frick is awesome and I feel bad that I feel like I have really exploited his patience and generosity... I want to make him proud with my work, so that is why I am focusing on that now :P)

I hope you are all well. Miss you all, love you all. God bless!

Michael's Visit and Followed by a Stranger...

Wow... it's been LOOOONG since I last wrote! The last three weeks have been insanely busy so I have had virtually zero time to blog!

In my next entry I will tell you about how the ‘concert’ that Jen, Jessica and I organized went, But before that, I should make a quick mention that Michael Hayes, a guy from the University of Toronto who came to Lviv with the Intercordia program to do something similar to what Jen, Jessica and I are doing, came to visit us on a Sunday before the concert (man, all of this happened so long ago now that I am having a hard time remembering which things happened on which days!) I met him at the train station after Mass, and we hung out for a bit while we waited for Jen and Jessica to meet us after their church service. We went to Koza, where we had some of my favourite hot chocolate, and had some great discussions about religion, politics and our placements abroad. He is a really cool guy, and it actually turns out that we had met before at a retreat and that we have many friends in common from our respective Catholic young adult groups! So that was nice. We were later joined by a local guy who heard us speak in English and wanted to take the opportunity to practise his use of the language. He was kind of weird and he made a lot of really awkward comments that made me slightly uncomfortable, lol, but shortly after Jen and Jessica arrived we parted our ways and he let us be lol. At that point, all four of us went for pizza at Cecilia’s. After that, Jen and Jessica went home, and Michael and I went to get some wine for my host family, after which we got semi-soaked with the rain and ended up taking a bus that took us all around Ternopil before taking us back to my house, lol! There, we spent a while watching YouTube Videos and talking, and later we met with Jen and Jessica again at Koza, after which we accompanied Michael to his train back to Lviv. It was a very nice day and I was glad that he had come visit!  So thanks, Michael!

Something kind of scary happened after we dropped Michael off, though. It was already dark outside because he left on a late train, and I ended up having to walk home all by myself. My house is about a 15 min walk away from the train station, so it is not bad. However, a few minutes after I started walking, I felt like somebody was following me. I looked discretely behind me, and there was indeed a man walking several yards behind me. I didn’t think much of it at first, but it did give me a slightly uneasy feeling. Then, however, I started to hear the man walking faster and closer to me. I started to get really nervous, because with every turn I made, he kept following me, and I could tell the distance between us was getting shorter and shorter. It could have just been my imagination (and probably was), but by the time I was half-way through my walk, I was freaking out! There was nobody on the streets, it was pitch black, and I was in an area that there are just businesses, which were all closed, meaning that there would be nobody to hear me if I screamed. I did not want to run either, because I knew that if he was indeed following me, I would give away the fact that I was aware of him. And so, I came to a street on which I have to cross on a bridge to the left, over the train tracks, and I decided that as soon as I reached the bridge I would sprint to the left onto one of the four streets that split from that point. In the pitch-blackness of the night, he would not be able to see which way I went, if I ran fast enough to make it to one of them before he got the chance to turn left himself. And so, that is what I did. My heart was beating so fast, and soon as I reached the corner, I turned at normal pace and then just RAN as fast as I could towards my street. Once there, I saw a few other people and further down there were some street lights, so that made me feel a lot more safe. I still walked as fast as I could toward my house, and in a few more turns I finally made it home safely.

I know, I know. I was probably just being completely paranoid and probably that man was not really following me, but at the time I could not think clearly, and I much rather be afraid of nothing and get myself out of the situation as best as I could, than to walk placidly without a care in the world and end up… in not a happy position. After that, I did not walk home alone much more at all after dark. :P

Don’t worry. I’m safe and everything is fine. The same thing could have happened back in Canada or back in Mexico, where I grew up, so it is not a big deal :P Sorry if I scared you, hahaha. Alright, time to switch gears and tell you about the concert! See you on the other side…

Love you all, miss you all. God bless!

PROGRESS!! PRAISE BE TO GOD!!!

SO WHO SAID IT CAN'T BE DONE???

I am so excited to tell you all what just happened that I don't even know where to begin!! Ok, I need too seconds to chill...

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Ok, I'm good now. So I had been telling you here and there that I had a bit of a project in the works, but I had not wanted to give more details than that, just in case it fell through. I mean, if it feel through I would have still blogged about it, but in a much different way... So anyway, now I am ready to tell you what my little project is and how it has started to unfold...

As I have mentioned to you before (or have I??), even though the girls receive a government stipend to cover their basic needs, it had been quite evident to me (and to Jen and Jessica) that these resources were clearly not enough. Part of it may simply be the fact that the government simply can't provide that much money for each individual girl, but part of it is also the fact that a lot of the resources that are allocated to the girls end up... well... let's just say they end up 'leaking' and not actually making it in their full strength to the girls. In order to protect the privacy and confidentiality of the people who have provided us with certain key information I cannot give you more information than that, but I'm sure you can put two and two together... corruption exists everywhere.

SO....

Over the last two months I have been very much in "observant mode", trying to get to know the girls well, becoming a part of their lives, letting them become a part of mine, and more pragmatically speaking, trying to asses what their specific immediate and long term needs are. I spoke to Irena, the woman who basically runs the internat and who very strongly advocates for the girls, about what the needs of the internat are and how we could help. Irena's first response to us was, "have you brought medications with you?"... yikes! As it turned out, the stipend the girls receive is not enough to properly stock their little clinic, nor does it provide sufficient nutrition for the girls to develop properly. Don't get me wrong, they eat everyday and I don't think they actually go hungry, but the quality of the food they eat, specifically in terms of its nutritional value, is very very poor. That is why we have 9 to 15 year olds looking like 4 to 6 year olds, and 16 to 25 year olds looking like 7-13 year olds. In addition to Irena's subtle pleas for help, Gayla, the Christian missionary and teacher I have mentioned to you before mentioned to me that there is an urgent need for vitamins to help the girls make it through the winters, which are particularly difficult for them given their already compromised immune systems...

So....

I had been thinking about setting some form of fund-raising initiative or charity of some sort in order to provide funds to help these girls with their most basic needs. When I shared this idea with a number of people, almost everyone received it with a measure of skepticism and doubt since they figured it would be either too difficult to do or simply that the local people would just not jump on board. I got a bit discouraged at first, but the idea simply refused to leave my head. I knew we had to create awareness in some way, and I knew that even if I were to help the girls now with the money of my grant (which I AM doing, of course), it would only serve as a temporary fix that would quickly fade away once I left, at which point the girls' situation would remain the same as before I came here. I felt that the ideal thing to do would be to organize the local churches so that THEY would become aware of the girls' situation and set up some sort of system so that they could take care of their own. I mean, it is wonderful when the girls can receive help from the outside, but I firmly believe that it is vital for the local people to be aware of the needs of their own community, their own children, and to be able to provide for them long after students like me have left and our resources have been exhausted... So after some time, prayer and reflection (and I must also admit, after being a bit less busy with my schoolwork now that I have finished the bulk of my assignments), I was finally able to put my plans to work...

With the help of my host family, who are faithful Greek Catholics and very close to their local parish, I was able to set up a meeting with the head priest at my host family's church. My aim was to ask him for help in order to set up a charity, like I mentioned before, within their local parish community. I was very nervous at first just thinking of what my meeting with him would be like and what I would say to him, but instead of sitting here worrying about it, I decided to leave it all to the inspiration of the Holy Spirit and to just go out there, with only a few lines prepared, and just let the meeting unfold as it may. That was a good idea, because it went a lot different from what I would have imagined it to be... First of, I felt very supported and comfortable once the meeting started, especially because Mama Ola came with us (Orest and I, since he was acting as my translator), and she is particularly close to this priest.

When we walked into the church, the priest greeted us warmly, motioned us to sit on the benches, and disposed himself to listen, without even asking any questions. I began by introducing myself, explaining that I was sent here through Students for Development, explaining what the organization does, and what I had been doing for the last two months. Then, I proceeded to explain about the needs I have seen at the internat, and to explain how, even though I am using the money from my grant to provide for the girls' needs, I needed help to set up some form of charity to help provide for them in the future, as in the long run. I added that I knew that many people in Ternopil did not even know there was an internat in their own city, and that I thought it was important to create awareness in the community. Moreover, I made sure to tell the priest that I was submitting this request without any presumption, being aware that the church community probably already had other things on the go, and that I did not want to take away from any of them, but that I simply wanted to draw their attention to a very real need in their own local community.

The priest listened intently, asking a few questions here and there. I could tell Orest was doing his best to translate everything in such a way that the priest could relate to it in the best manner possible. Mama Ola didn't say too much at first, but once in a while she would add a thing or too here and there in order to show her support for my initiative. The response of the priest was a bit discouraging at first. He began explaining how they do already conduct a number of collections throughout the year in order to support other charitable initiatives, such as another internat in a different city, a local prison, and the local poor. He mentioned that one of their yearly collects goes to Caritas, a Catholic non-profit relief organization. He was obviously concerned that it might be difficult to add yet another charity to the ones they already have in place. At this point, he was pretty much saying "I am sorry, but we can't really help you."

As Orest translated what the priest was saying, I could feel a knot in my throat. However, I insisted. I commended the priest for all the wonderful charities they already support, and I reiterated that I was aware of their enormous efforts to help those in need. Yet, I asked him to consider that these girls, who are local to Ternopil, also needed help and that there was nobody to provide for them. I could tell that he was debating it in his head. He mentioned to me that his concern at this point was of how they would distribute the goods they fundraised for, such as food, to the girls, in order to ensure that they were rationed appropriately and that they actually made it to the girls (rather than end up leaking just like the money from the stipends). I replied that Irena, whom I have mentioned before and who acts basically as the strongest and most influential advocate for the girls, would be the one to make sure that the goods got to the girls and were distributed appropriately on the internat's end. All we would need from the church would be just a couple of volunteers who would be willing to collect the money and make sure that it got to her. In addition, I explained to him that what seems to be most needed is medical supplies for the internat's clinic and vitamins to supplement the girls' nutrition.

I don't know how or why, but at that point the priest seemed to change his expression, as if he had been divinely inspired, hahahaha. It really was like a light-bulb moment for him lol. He looked at me, and with a smile on his face he said, "I know of a way that we can do this! Since we already do a very big fundraiser for Caritas each year, what I can do is set it up in such a way that part of the money we collect each year goes directly and exclusively to buy medication and vitamins for the girls." This would solve a lot of the legal problems and red tape that we would have to deal with if we were to set up a brand new charity. In other words, the church could use the resources that are already established in order to channel the funds to the girls!! He said all we would have to do is talk to Caritas and have it set up, and he said he would do this himself. THIS WAS AWESOME!!

I don't think I am explaining the shift that took place in the conversation quite well, but in truth it was like going from me hopelessly pleading, to him coming up with a certain way in which this could take place. What's more, is that TOMORROW (yes, tomorrow!!), he is going to make an announcement during (or I guess right after Mass) about what is happening and how they are going to support the internat through their main charity fundraiser. In addition, he is going to ask the community for a collection NOW, and he is hoping to collect money both tomorrow and next weekend. He said not to expect for people to give a lot in these first two collections, since people will have only just become aware of the situation, but that the most revenue would come from their big fundraiser, which takes place on their main feast day!! WOW!!

I forgot to mention this, but I let the priest read the letter that Myroslaw had written up for me to give to the Bishop at the main church, and I think that really help legitimized my claims, as Myroslaw is himself a Ukrainian Catholic priest, and as Dean of St. Jerome's, he had asked the local Bishop to help me. At this point, I offered to prepare a small 2 or 3 minute presentation for the community, and to put together a poster for next weekend so that people can put a visual image and a face to what (or better said to whom) they are contributing to. The priest said the presentation would be best if it took place during one of their catechism sessions (which a lot of people attend), rather than after Mass, since he would already make an announcement, so we will be setting up a date for that. I will have that poster done for next week though, so I am going to be really busy with that and with something else that I will tell you about shortly...

I mentioned to the priest that I would try to set up similar initiatives in at least two other churches, including the one I currently attend. That way we will not be taking away too much from the money they provide Caritas with in terms of where it is allocated. If we can set up small initiatives like this in two or three churches, then we would be able to come up with a more substantial sum on a yearly basis :)

When the meeting was over, the priest seemed genuinely on board and even excited about this! He went to the sacristy for a minute, and came out with an icon of St. Nicholas, which he gave me as a gift!! I was so taken aback by this! It was so unexpected!! He blessed the icon and said a special prayer. I was sooooo incredibly happy and thankful! All I could say was "DUSHE DUSHE DIAKUYU!!" (Thank you very very much!) over and over lol :P The priest seemed very pleased hahaha. And so we left having successfully established the first initiative towards helping the girls locally and permanently! All I could do was praise God for his goodness. There is still a lot to be done, but this was certainly wonderful!!

Tomorrow Orest is going to help me set up a meeting with the priest at my own church, and after that I will go to the big green church at the center (The Church of the Nativity of Jesus, or as they jokingly call it, the Christmas Church :P) to do the same thing. The reason why I started with this church first is because my host family already had connections with them, and it turned out to be a great idea. I want to do my own church next simply because I think they will be willing to support this. I have that feeling because there is a woman who has a very severe physical disability who attends my church, and she seems to be very close to the priests (there are like 8 priests at this church, most of them very young!!) and to the community, so I that makes me think that they would be especially open to supporting children with disabilities. I don't know, but I think it is very much worth the shot. Pray for me!!

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In addition to setting up the fundraising initiative, there is something concrete that I am doing with the grant money (other than paying for translation services, hahaha). I have decided to put together individual kits of supplies for each of the girls at the internat, as well as one big kit for the whole internat with things that are best shared by all than given to each individually. I believe Amanda or one of the other girls did something similar to this last year. I have a three part aim in putting together these kits together:

1) To provide for their immediate needs, RIGHT NOW, especially when it comes to hygiene and personal care.

2) Simply to treat them with something fun, exciting and useful!

3) To use the kits as a starting point to teach them more about personal self-care and hygiene! (I mentioned the posters and the "Let's take care of our bodies" day that I am planning before)

The individual kits will consists of bags (which they can use later) containing necessary things like soap, toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, wash cloth, lotion, hair bands, a feet self-care kit, socks, underwear (most of theirs is in VERY POOR SHAPE!!), bandaids, etc., and fun things such as a mirror, chap-stick, bubbles, notebooks, nail polish, stickers, candy, sunglasses and a piece of fruit! The kits for the little ones would be a bit different, but you get the point. In the big internat kit I want to put things like a ball, baby wipes, bottles of shampoo and conditioner, a few sewing kits, a few bottles of sunscreen, story books, etc.

Yesterday Jen, Jessica and I went to what we call "The Big Rodena", which is a grocery store, to buy some of the things. We are planning on buying most of the stuff at the bazar, as we believe it would be cheaper, and so we also wrote down the prices of the other things we wanted to buy in order to compare. Canadian dollars go a long way when it comes to converting it to hryvnia, but we still want to get the most for the money so that we can get them more stuff. It was actually very fun and it served as yet another bonding experience. I really appreciate all the help they are giving me with this particular project, as it is a huge job and I would not be able to do it without them. We are going to get the rest of the stuff on Monday, and we want to put the kits together at my house next week to have them ready to give them away on Friday.

After shopping, we ate some supper (which we bought at the grocery store) at the little park in front of the Rodena, and then we headed for my house to watch a movie. That, however, ended up turning into more like a girl's night, and we just chatted and talked about boyfriends, our plans, etc. It was great and we had a lot of fun!!! We want to do this again next week just before they leave. I can't believe they are leaving in two weeks!! I am going to miss them so much! It is going to be hard to be here for three more weeks after that with them being gone, but I will do my best to keep in touch with them over the webcam (as Jessica suggested lol), and also to remain social with the friends I have met here.

Speaking of friends, today we are meeting David, one of the guys I met at church, and we have been invited to a get together with a bunch of other foreigners! It will be awesome!! And tomorrow, Michael, who is working in Lviv through Intercordia, is coming to Ternopil to visit. So it will be a busy weekend!

There is a lot more to say, but I think I will leave it at that for now. Next week is going to be insanely busy with a lot of activities at the internat, putting that poster together, preparing the kits, AND studying for my two finals... so please PRAY FOR ME!! Thanks again for your comments, and don't forget that you can email me through facebook or at my NEW email address, which is: miri 'at' live.ca (I don't want to put the at symbol in order to avoid spammers). Love you all, miss you all. God bless!

State of Emergency

Dear all, Please forgive the lateness of this entry. It has has been long coming, but due to how busy I had been with my last two school assignments, I hadn't had the time to sit down and blog. The last thing I blogged about was about our visit to Auschwitz and the Salt Mines, which was fantastic (yikes, that word again, lol :P). After that we got the chance to walk join a small, free walking tour around the Jewish Quarter, listening to the history and the legends about the city. It was quite interesting. That night, the three of us decided to go out dancing, which was a first for me in months! We didn't stay for long but I had a great time, especially since there was no gross grinding on the dance floor :P The following day was also great, as we visited the Wawel Castle, which is right in Krakow. Unfortunately it was closed, but we got to go inside the castle's basilica, which was absolutely stunning (sorry, no pictures were allowed :S), and the outside architecture was so incredible that we were satisfied with that. After that we went to eat at the Hotel Royal's restaurant, where we had a very large, very satisfying, very delicious and also very cheap traditional Polish meal. The only thing I was annoyed at was the minuscule size of soft drinks, while the beer came in giant 1-liter jugs... All I wanted was a regular sized Sprite, but instead I had to settle for two very expensive toddler-sized bottles of weird-tasting pop (Sprite and Coke taste different in Poland... weird!). Anyway, that night we took a bus back to Lviv, and immediately, from there we were able to catch another bus to Ternopil, which was nice. And so that was it. Back to our lovely lives at the Internat! :D :D :D

HOWEVER...

Coming back to the internat was a true shocker. As it turned out, over the short weekend we were gone, the whole place had gone through what they doubted an "EMERGENCY"... (Please Note: Jen, Jessica and I took a long time to write about this because we were not sure whether it would be appropriate to blog about it or not. Each of us had wanted to blog about it but had not, thinking the others would not approve. However, when we brought up the issue after a few days, we came to the conclusion that we SHOULD blog about it because, as Sarah Noonan said to us and Jen reminded us... the more light we shed on this place, the more accountability there needs to be and the greater hope we can bring for this girls...)

So... Here's what happened...

DISCLAIMER: WHAT I AM ABOUT TO TALK ABOUT IS QUITE SERIOUS AND I WILL BE VERY BLUNT IN EXPRESSING WHAT I THINK SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK...

As we soon found out due to the great commotion that was taking place, it turns out that one of the girls at the internat was discovered to be five months pregnant. She is 23 years old. The staff noticed her stomach as they were working in the fields one day, and when they interrogated her and 'checked' her, the truth came out. So what's happening with this girl?? Simple. She is being expelled from here and sent to another internat, which is really more like a prison, as we have been told. The reason that they give for this treatment is that she is "no longer a child, she is a woman now", but this is a bit absurd as you will see from what I will explain in just a bit. In my opinion, treatment is also more like a warning for the other girls, if you will. Nobody wants to go to that other internat... The girl, whose name I will not mention, definitely did not want to leave. This is where she has grown up, where her sisters are. This place is all she knows, and now she's gone. And as far as the baby goes, he or she will probably be sent to another internat where they take care of babies or will be given away in adoption (HOPEFULLY!!). But there is a lot more to it than this... Following the discovery of the 'emergency', all the girls 12 years old and older were checked for pregnancy, and with the director being furious, there was a huge commotion all over the place.

To be perfectly honest, this, while serious and somewhat shocking at first, did not really surprise me. After all, we had seen a few guys hang around the internat with some of the older girls, and Jen had even watched one of them... ehem... kissing one of the girls. These girls have very little to do, and nobody to show them love. Therefore, it does not surprise me in the least that at least some of them become sexually active with guys who live in the area, especially the ones who live in the adult/elderly internat next door. As it turns out, when the boys at another internat for males grow too old to be around the other kids, they get sent to the elderly home next door to our internat... so you can just imagine how that ends... I think it is a terrible idea, to say the least. Bogdan told us (through Orest), that there is a guy whose name is Sascha who had been playing "Casanova" (as Orest puts it) with the girls. As a result, several of the girls at the internat had become pregnant... AND... well... unlike the situation with this particular girl, the rest of the pregnancies have not resulted in births... Apparently this Sascha is not the father of this last baby and the father has been 'found', but there remains a huge problem of safety for these girls. Nobody takes responsibility for ensuring the girls' safety and education in these matters, and the solution is always after the fact...

You see, the only reason why this baby is even been allowed to be born is that it is that they discovered the pregnancy so late. What do I mean, you may ask? Well... thanks to Orest, who was able to translate all this for us from Alina Boss and from Bogdan, we learned that all the girls of a certain age get 'checked' EVERY MONTH for pregnancy!!! As far as we know, this includes girls as young as 12 years of age. What this 'checking' consists of, we do not know, but we hope it is just a simple pharmacy pregnancy test. If any girl is found to be pregnant, the 'solution' is immediate and irrevocable: abortion. No choice, no deliberation. Simple. Quick. And I may add, horrifying.

However, for some reason they had not checked the girls in a few months, and that is how this one 'leaked'. And I presume that since the baby is already much older and formed and an abortion at this stage would require a more complicated surgery, it would be much more difficult, risky and certainly scarring for the mother if they aborted the baby now. After all, since the baby is so large now, the mother would be able to feel the body of the baby being sucked out of her whole (or in parts... D-:<) YET, we heard that the director was so upset about the issue that he even suggested giving this girl some form of drug that would kill the baby... What I feel about that I will keep to myself but you can just imagine... This is the director of the internat, the one in charge of ensuring the girls' safety and well-being... So just picture the whole situation...


**Intermission**

If you do not know what I mean and if you want more information on abortion, its implications -including its physical, emotional and psychological risks and consequences-,statistics, how abortions are conducted at the different stages of development, AND how women can RECEIVE HELP both before AND after an abortion, etc., please go to the following links...

But REMEMBER, this is a serious issue. The website is descriptive in some areas and also gives you the option of looking at graphic pictures if you so CHOOSE. They go about it in a very respectful way, though, so they warn you before they show you anything. So please use your own discretion... This link contains a lot of useful information, including short 2 and 5 minute clips on the homepage that are very good an informative. If you want, you can choose to watch the pixelized version so you don't have to look at graphic images. I have posted the pixelized version of the 2 min pixelized version here:

Website Home Page:
http://www.abort73.com/

2 minute PIXELIZED video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NudvtDdc1Vk

This link actually explains the different methods in which abortion takes place at each stage of development. It is descriptive and it has links to graphic images if you choose to click on the thumbnails, but the thumbnails are very small so you don't have see anything if you don't want to:
http://www.lifesitenews.com/abortiontypes/

**End of Intermission**


What is very sinister about this is this: First of, the girls receive NO sexual education at all whatsoever, which means they are likely to find out about it by experimentation and without knowing the risks and potential consequences of being sexually active. What especially concerns me is the fact that this means these girls can be so easily abused by men who may come around the internat just to have a 'good time' and leave these girls emotionally, psychologically and even physically abused, with no accountability to anyone. These girls are easy targets. Easy victims. This makes me feel rage.

Secondly, these girls are forced to take these monthly tests AND, what is very macabre... if they do happen to turn out to be pregnant, they are FORCED to have an abortion. This is something that people on BOTH sides of the abortion debate should be horrified about. These girls have no options. No choice. It is a simple equation: you are pregnant = you get an abortion. PERIOD. According to the reports that Orest received from Bogdan (who by the way is perfectly ok with this and has even contributed to this being perpetrated), MANY of these girls have had at least one abortion (and sometimes more), and at least one of the girls has had her tubes tied, without even getting the choice of whether to give consent to this. This, too, is what will happen to this girl who just got pregnant, after she has her baby delivered via C-section. What is not clear to us is whether the baby will be delivered now (and likely die), or if they will let her carry it to term. But her tubes are getting 'tied' for sure, no choice involved. It is like getting them 'fixed', which does not keep them or protect them from being used. What's more is that some of the girls who already HAVE had abortions are very very very young... It truly breaks my heart to know what they have to go through in such a case... An abortion is a horrifying, scaring experience even for a woman in her full faculties and with a support network... it can cause severe stress and trauma for many years thereafter, and I cannot even begin to imagine the kind of damage it can cause to one of these vulnerable girls. Sure, pregnancy would not be easy in their case either, but the girls at the internat would be more able to understand and appreciate the risks of sexual activity than if abortion takes place in the secretive way it does, AND, more importantly, they would be able to appreciate, witness, and experience the beauty of the life-giving gift of fertility. They would be able to accompany the girl in her pregnancy journey and learn from it... that is, if they only let the girl stay... but instead, it is all done in such a clandestine, under the table sort of way, and that frustrates me to no end.

Some people may think, "well, these girls are disabled... they can't take care of a child... the child is unwanted... it is not worth for that child to live..." But if you are one of those people, I would like to challenge you to think differently. I look at each of these girls who live here at the internat... each of these abandoned, 'unloved' and 'unwanted' girls... and you know what I see? I see humanity. I see dignity. I see life. I see a child of God, who is worth every effort, every pain, and every hardship, just like any other child. Sure, living at an internat/orphanage with a mental or physical disability is not the ideal way of living. But you know what? Even these girls can be happy. If you only saw them playing, while they don't know anyone is watching... If you only saw their vitality, their enjoyment of the simple things of life... their DESIRE TO LIVE!!! These girls are truly sisters to one another; they take care of each other and they love each other very much...

Sure, many of them have suffered a lot, but they also know what love is, and how to give it. And that is what they do, both to us and to one another. Every human being that is born will suffer, no matter what. Even the richest of the rich suffer in one way or another, and often at their own hands through excess and greed. So whenever someone says that a life of a child is not worth living because of all the hardship he or she will live, I cannot agree in the least. All I think of is all the incredible men and women of history who have lived and suffered and yet have accomplished so much. And while some may say "yes, but these children will not be able to accomplish such things because of the likelihood that they too will be born with a disability", I say to them: These girls, WITH their disabilities, have an incredible potential to touch people's lives. They have certainly touched mine, and they have transformed me in such a short period of time. They have the ability to help and transform one another, and to say that their lives are meaningless or useless is a gross act of discrimination and prejudice, no different from any other such act, including the past discrimination against blacks, Jews, etc. Each human being has dignity, no matter what.

So what does this 'state of emergency' means for us (Jen, Jessica and I) in terms of our work here...? Well, it means a lot of frustration, as you can imagine. The director of the internat is furious over the situation, and he has put a halt to many of our liberties and activities. Our weekly excursions have been canceled, which was rather frustrating for the girls who had not yet had a chance to go, as you can imagine. That is why we decided to have an 'inclursion' the other day lol. Jen brought a set of crafts that her aunt had sent her, and we brought the girls who were supposed to go on the excursion with us to the little auditorium, where we did the crafts, played with balloons, danced, and shared candies :) The girls enjoyed it, so I felt some relief knowing we were able to somehow work around the canceled excursions. However, we have been trying to talk to the director to know for how long we will be unable to take the girls out. We are also a bit nervous because we do not know if we will get granted permission to invite people to come to watch the recital we have been preparing. We also do not know if we will be able to do the sleep-over as we had planned. So we are still waiting, chasing the director, who has been avoiding us, and hoping for the best. In the end, though, we will work around whatever needs to happen in order to get things done...

_____

For my part, I have been working on a few projects of my own, but I have not blogged about them because I want to keep it all to myself until I know whether it is going to be able to happen or not. For now, I can tell you that this weekend I am going to go buy supplies to put kits together for the girls. I am buying all sorts of hygiene and personal care products for each of the girls. I have asked Jen and Jessica to help me put the kits together. My aim is to have a "Let's take care of our bodies" day, when I will give the girls their kits, and I will take the opportunity to teach them (again, as Amanda did something similar last year) about personal hygiene. I have made a few posters, and I have a little activity planned. I am hoping to find articles for pedicure, such as foot scrubs, foot brushes, and the like, and to have each of the girls do their own pedicure, with my direction, of course. I have mentioned before how the feet of many of them are in an awful state, so I want to sort of 'trick' them into wanting to take care of their feet, hahaha. We will make it into a 'girlie' activity :P where I will teach them how to clean their nails, scrub their toes, put medication on their sores if they need it (Chopin was very kind as to help me provide them with foot medication), and end on a happy note by applying nail polish! :D. I am also going to remind them about tooth-brushing (I have a special poster made for that), and deodorant application, which is desperately needed with some of them!! I know it might get messy, so I am thinking of doing this activity with only a few girls at a time, even if it takes a couple of days.

Of course, I will get different things for the younger girls as they will not be as likely to be able to participate in the same way, but my hope is that we can teach the older ones to be an example and a help to the younger ones. So pray for me! (Or if you are not the praying type, wish me luck! :D )

Aside from that I am also working on something else and I have a meeting with someone this weekend to figure out what is going on with that... I will tell you more about it later once I know for sure what's going on (whether it will work or not).

In the meantime, I am trying to recover from what I think was food poisoning... :(
The other day I decided to go to Kosa, which is an internet-cafe/restaurant/bar to do my work because I was sick and tired of being stuck in the same room all day every day while doing my school work after the internat. So here I was, thinking this was a good idea, and I actually did get a lot of work done! BUT, I ordered something from the menu, not really knowing what it was since I can't really read it lol, and that did not go over so well. I asked the waitress, who spoke minimal English, to bring me something with chicken. That was part was fine. What was not fine is that what she brought me was a wrap that had chicken, tomatoes, some weird creamy sauce, and... hard boiled eggs D-:< That is when it all went downhill. I do not like hard-boiled eggs that much, but it was already ordered, cooked, and sitting in front of me, and I was not about to waste food, so I ate it. BUT, man! I did not feel good eating it. The eggs on it tasted funny and they just made me feel horrible. And at first, I thought, 'oh it is just because you don't like them', but the entire day afterwards I didn't feel so good, and by yesterday morning I was very ill... :( Not the most pleasant thing to talk about, I know, but oh well. So I am not feeling that great at all, but hopefully by tomorrow I will be ok. I can't afford to be sick right now. I can't afford to waste time. So while I have been stuck at home for pragmatic reasons, I have been trying to get as much work done as I possibly can. Now that my two assignmets are over and I only have to study for my finals I can dedicate more time to working on my little plans for the internat.

Tomorrow Jen and Jessica want to come and visit my house after the internat, which I think is awesome. Our plan is to go to the bazar after the internat to get some of the supplies for my kits, and then maybe we will watch a movie or something. I am looking forward to it :)

Saturday I have that meeting I mentioned before, and for the rest of the weekend I will be studying for my exams, working on my papers for my RS 398 course on the Theology of the Body, and starting to plan for my visit to my aunt in Sweden (read: looking for flights). Anyway, I think this has been long enough (what else could you expect from me!)

Please know that I am ok, that I am happy, and that God has been blessing me in many MANY amazing ways, so please do not worry about me. Some people have expressed concern over how long it has taken me to blog, but please know that the only reason for this is that I have been so insanely busy. Everything is fine, I am happier than I have ever been in my live, and even though every day there are things that are hard to swallow, my heart is full of joy and I feel strong and hopeful, even when I feel like there is not much I can do. Thanks to all for your continued support, for your concerns, for your emails (which honestly mean the world to me), and especially for your prayers. I especially want to thank somebody for all they have done for me in the last little while. You know who you are and what I am talking about.

Love you all, miss you all. God bless! :D

The Wieliczka Salt Mines and the Jewish Quarter :)

Right after Auschwitz and Birkenau, our driver took us to the Wieliczka Salt Mines. The mine is huge and the tour only takes you to about 1% of all the mine... yet, the tour takes between 2 and 3 hours! We went as far as 130 meters bellow the surface. The temperature in the mine is constantly between 14 add 16 degrees Celsius because of the ventilation system inside. What is wonderful about the mine though, is that it was open for over 800 years! And in the process, huge chambers were excavated that are now like an underground museum. On the ceilings you can see stalactites of salt and salt formations that look like cauliflowers. In addition, there are dozens of statues carved out of rock salt, which were made mostly by the miners themselves throughout the centuries, NOT by professional artists. What's more is that there are a great number of chapels inside and even a cathedral made entirely of rock salt! The floor of it is carved as if it was tile, but in reality it is a single HUUUUGE sheet of rock salt (well, not a sheet, but you know what I mean... it is solid with no divisions). The altar of the cathedral is quite beautiful, as are the statues and even the chandeliers which are ALSO made of rock salt. My camera was running low on battery, but fortunately it made it till the end of the trip. I am really glad I went, and I want to thank Chopin, his family, and Anya G for suggesting that I go there :)

After the mines we kind of had an easy night, and on Sunday we had another great day. I went to Mass in the early afternoon, which was very nice. I had already visited the church on my own before and had the chance to admire the beautiful art inside of it, so I could focus on the Mass and in prayer instead (I will post the pictures soon). After that, we decided to walk to the Jewish quarter of the town with the help of a booklet a girl lent us. However, when we got there, we were able to join a free walking tour, which was really nice because we got the chance to hear some awesome stories and legends about the cities. After the tour we tried to go into one of the Synagogues, but they charged for the entrance and the man at the door was really rude so we decided not to go inside. Instead, we went for lunch and we had a great time. We had been living basically on toast with butter and jam for the last couple of days (we were trying to save money), so it was REALLY nice to eat chicken kebab! Lol!! In the evening I worked on my schoolwork for several hours while the girls went shopping, and at night we decided to go dancing. We went to a small underground club where they were playing techno music. It was a lot of fun, especially because people were respectful (no gross grinding r=or anything of the sort), and it wasn't very full because it was Sunday, so we had a lot of room to dance and just be silly and have fun.

Today we are taking it easy, resting, etc. In a few minutes we are going to go for supper and then we are going to visit the Wawel castle, which is a 15 minute walk form our hostel. We are all packed and everything, so we are just about ready to go. After that we will take our bus to Lviv, and from there we will take either a bus or a train to Ternopil, since there are no direct trips to Ternopil from Krakow (which is weird, since there are trip here, but oh well).

I must say, I have really enjoyed this trip with Jen and Jessica very, very much. We have had a great time together and I think this has been a bit of a bonding experience for us. I feel like we have become better friends, and I am very glad about that. They tease me all the time about this or that, hahahaha, and I tease them too, lol, so we have been laughing all the time and it's just been a riot!

When we come back we are planning on preparing for the concert we are organizing at the internat, and I am planning on employing "opperation tooth brush-deodorant" lol... The internat girls really need to learn to use both. I am making a poster and everything... Amanda had already taught them how to use their toothbrushes last year, but they seem to have lost the habit since the staff do not really enforce it, so we'll see how it goes :)

So I think that's it for now. I am glad to be back up to speed with the blog. I will keep you updated, but next week is going to be busy as I need to prepare for my 2 upcoming assignments... Time is flying!! I have so much work to do, but I am so excited for the upcoming weeks :)

Thanks for taking the time to read all of this. I am sorry it took me so long to update the blog. My schedule is more hectic now, so that is why I have not been as consistent. As always, thanks for your comments and your emails. They mean the world to me! Miss you all, love you all. God bless! :D